Linda Asked:

Hi, I kind of have a long confusing situation here and I think it’s time it gets cleared up and all so that I don’t end up losing other people. Well ok here goes I met this guy at the shelter that he works at in Chicago when I had to stay there. We got really close and were away from each other for a month when I moved 50 miles away. I got this urge to move back to Chicago, so I did and he was the first person I saw when I got back. He was all happy to find out that I was moving back. Well anyway time went on we kept getting closer and all and then someone decided to lie to this guys boss and get us both in touble so now we aren’t allowed to talk or have any contact what so ever.

I will be sleeping and dream that I am with him at his apartment and he slips his arms around me and I can actually feel it but if it’s fate that we are to be together why are we going through all this hardship? When we where together I could tell what he was thinking by looking in his eyes and him the same with me and I would always get vibes from him and now that we have been away from each other I sometimes get feelings that he is with me not physically but there watching over me. This may be confusing but I am confused too and the reason for my having to stay at the shelter I cleared up that matter before I came back.

I hope that I am not bugging you by asking you but I need to know what all this means. I have been really down since I can’t be with him. When I was away from him the first time he grew a goatee and now he is growing it again, and when he told me he cared about me he was almost crying so I think that these are good signs. Now I find out that he is KIND OF seeing someone and for some odd reason I am not sad about it. I am happy cause I think that the better part of me knows that he is not serious about her and people have told me that he misses me and might be using her to replace me while we can’t talk. I still get the feelings that he is thinking about me and I still can tell if he is around me or something like that.

Please help and thank you for your time. - Linda

BlushGirl Says:

Hi Linda and welcome. First I would like to say, that I am so sorry you have to go through this. You seem like such a loving, caring person and this breaks my heart. I must however, be blunt.

I had to look at your letter again because I wasn’t sure what country you were writing to me from. Was it really the U.S.A? Chicago?? As far as I know, we still have the right, in this country, to date whomever we wish without consulting our boss first. Do you really believe that he can’t see you because his boss told him he couldn’t?

This man is playing you and toying with you. He is the worst kind of jerk. He told you he cared about you, and doesn’t have the guts to tell you he wasn’t serious about a relationship.

If that wasn’t bad enough, then you tell me he is seeing another woman, whom he is using because he can’t be with you. Ok, so I assume he cleared this with his boss first, right? DUMP THIS GUY NOW. He does not deserve a woman like you. Please believe you can do much better.

Ok, I know it is hard to let go of someone you care about. You are obviously a very caring and loving person. You gave your heart to this man, but he does not deserve it, nor does he return the sentiment. Please try to stop seeing him in a romantic light and try to see him for what he is. He is not the knight in shining armor you seem him as.

Concentrate on finding new people to get to know in your area. Reach out to other people and you will find the right guy for you eventually. Get involved in some community activities or causes you care about and you may just meet some interesting men. Try to make good friends first and see where it leads but don’t rush into anything. Give yourself time to really get to know a man before you give your heart to him.

One final thing; don’t let this experience cloud how you feel about men. Believe me, not all men are as uncaring as this guy was. Oh yes, he was uncaring. I know you probably don’t see that yet because you love him, but he treated you with disrespect. I am still trying to get my mind around his boss telling him he can’t see you…really.

Be proud of yourself. You pulled your life together after having to live in the shelter, and you gave your love unselfishly to someone. This is a wonderful and admirable thing. He just wasn’t the right guy. You will find the right guy.

Please keep in touch and let me know how things go. You can email me anytime. Take care. - Kelly